Giving yourself grace while healing invisible wounds
In the Marine Corps we hear the term “Semper Fidelis” very often. In Latin it means “Always Faithful” and there is no one else more faithful to the Marine Corps than Carolyn Burgin. The well-known Marine Corps motto has been part of the branch since 1883, and it epitomizes the honor, courage and commitment of the Marine Corps. Carolyn Burgin, a Marine Corps spouse and devoted volunteer to the Marine Corps or what she truly calls her family, has shown pride and commitment to her Marines even as her life took a turn in the most challenging way.
In October 2015 Carolyn was the Family Readiness Officer (FRO) for HMH466 Helicopter Squadron while her spouse was stationed at the Marine Corps Air Station Miramar in California. It was a busy October day, getting ready for a Halloween event for the Battalion when suddenly she started feeling dizzy; her right side felt numb and she collapsed into a box. One of the Marines that was helping with the event was there and found her conscious but unable to move or talk and helped.
The Fire Department arrived to help. Carolyn was given blood thinners and was rushed by ambulance to the La Jolla Emergency room. After a 30 minute journey and finally arriving at the E.R, she was quickly prepped for surgery and was told she had a stroke. At this point, Carolyn was completely alert, and while lying on a gurney she prayed. “God, I did what you asked me to. I know and trust you, but still have so much more to do”.
About 6 to 8 hours later, Carolyn woke up from surgery and the only thing that mattered to her was picking up the phone to call “her Marines”; she wanted to let them know she was ok and wanted to thank the Marine who had found her. While going through such a tough situation, she could only think about the Marines she had always served and made lasting friendships with.
The next day, while in the ICU, the female Marines she was close with stopped by to visit. “We are your sisters”, they said. Carolyn had connected with the Marines that have worked with her throughout the years and that connection helped her through the days to follow.
While at the hospital, Carolyn went through photo & balance testing. She was asked to walk around to build up her strength and balance. Her stubborn personality is to be thanked for her speedy recovery. After 3 days in the ICU, she was finally cleared to go home. The surgeon at the hospital told Carolyn she had endured 2 aneurysms and 3 blood clots in the brain. Her brain had only 1 vein with blood flowing through.
By Halloween everybody needed normalcy, especially Carolyn. Four weeks later, she was already driving again and making progress daily. A side effect of the stroke that no one mentioned but is completely normal creeped in, anxiety. “Even though you’ve recovered, you still feel uncomfortable”; anxiety would bring up concerns of the possibility of another stroke coming and it was a constant hurdle to manage as time went on.
As days passed and recovery progressed, Carolyn was on a flight to Florida for a job orientation when her leg started hurting. After her orientation travels, she decided to seek medical help and a visit to the doctor would raise concerns about fibroids. There was a lack of communication between OR medical members and nurses. Carolyn knew that there was a possible blood clot in her leg. She became her own advocate when it came to her care.
She was right. There was a blood clot in her leg, but also one in her lung and a whole in her heart, which is why she had the stroke in October. The blood clot had gone through the whole in her heart and to her brain, causing the stroke. This time around she would need 3 surgeries; one to seal the whole in her heart, a hysterectomy, and a filter in her hip… all in 1 week's time. “Trust your instincts. Women need to care for themselves like we care for others. Show yourselves love. We are not our own caregivers”. This resonated with so many women both in the Military and outside the Military. From female service members to military spouses; we care for others all the time, and we tend to put ourselves last. Her story is a great example of being there for yourself, listening to your body, and knowing to speak up for yourself and your medical needs.
In 2020, Carolyn was rehired by the Marine Corps and one of her struggles was trying not to overwork. She always devoted so much time and energy to the Corps and slowing down was not her forte. Learning to manage her work and knowing when to take it easy is something that she keeps trying to work on. However, her resiliency and strength are like no other. The path she is paving for herself and others along her journey is unmatched. After all that she has been through Carolyn remains her biggest advocate, and her mission now is to save lives by helping the service members around her seek help when it comes to mental health and stopping the stigma around it. Through having her stroke, she has found a deeper connection to her already close bond to the Marine Corps; she has served them for the past 24 years, and she will continue helping the Marines around her as she gives herself grace daily with her invisible wounds.
